Claire Kincaid, ADA

Topic 145: Tell the Truth

Sun, 24 Sep 2006 18:43:33 GMT

Tell the truth about something you usually lie about.

Lies are usually the things I work to uncover. That’s what I do as a prosecutor; figure out when someone’s lying and catch them in it. So I try not to lie in my own life. It’s just how I was raised. But…

Yes, I’m with Jack. In all senses of the word.

Ok, so I don’t directly lie about it. It’s not like anyone’s asking. I hear the gossip in the building…the bathroom when people think I’m not around is especially good for hearing the latest rumors about myself. But not saying anything isn’t the same as lying. You can’t perjure yourself if you don’t open your mouth. My job would be a lot harder if people figured that out.

And if I was asked? I don’t know. It would probably depend on who was asking. And the situation surrounding it. There are definitely cases where I would fess up to what was going on. Because sometimes secrets aren’t best kept. The Thayer thing proved that.

But basically it’s no one’s business who I’m sleeping with. It doesn’t affect how I do my job. We’re mature enough to not let it affect our day-to-day work life. So really, why does it matter?

Still…given Jack’s reputation and Adam’s reluctance to put us together…keeping quiet’s probably my best option.

Claire Kincaid
Law & Order
Words: 218

Monogamy (#142)

Sun, 03 Sep 2006 03:40:46 GMT

What are your thoughts about monogamy?

I have always been monogamous in my relationships, but I haven’t always been in monogamous relationships. Well, they all have been except one.

Just that time with Judge Thayer. I knew he was married. I don’t know why I even let things start in the first place. I let them continue as long as I did because I was afraid. Afraid for my career. Afraid of him and what he could do. After the whole case with Janet Rudman…seeing what he did to her, threatening her child to keep her with him…I was glad it was only my job that kept me with him as long as it did. Jobs are replaceable. Children are not.

But every other relationship before was monogamous. And in spite of his reputation, my relationship with Jack is completely monogamous. I don’t need anyone but him, and I believe him when he says he needs no one but me.

Diseases aside, emotionally monogamy is just the safer option. I know some people don’t care about safety, but… Where my heart and emotions are concerned, I’ll take safety any day.

Claire Kincaid
Law & Order
Words: 184

Topic 139

Fri, 18 Aug 2006 02:37:27 GMT

Do you make friends easily? Why or why not.

I suppose I make friends about as easily as anyone. It’s honestly not something I think about. I don’t really actively court people for friendship, if that’s what you mean. I just kind of fall into it with people, usually based on shared interests or experiences.

Margot and I lived across from each other at Harvard Law. We had a lot of stuff in common. The broken home. A lawyer step-father. Both women determined to not just succeed but excel in the still Boys’ Club that is Harvard. We even dated the same guy. Though we didn’t realize he was two-timing us at the time. Only after we’d both dumped him. We still get together and play squash once in a while. Though admittedly our relationship has been strained since we were on opposite sides of a case.

That’s the hardest thing. Being a lawyer and keeping friends. If they’re lawyers too, it’s better if you’re on the same side. But…

So I don’t know. I make them easily enough I suppose. I’m happy with my circle.

Claire Kincaid
Law & Order
Words: 177

Topic 136

Sun, 23 Jul 2006 14:33:17 GMT

That which doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. Do you agree or disagree? Why?

I’m a lawyer; an Assistant District Attorney in New York City. I see the good and the bad every day in my line of work. I’ve seen lives that will never be the same again because of one act, one decision; sometimes random, sometimes not.

I don’t know if there is a definitive answer to this question. The families of the victims we have dealt with, they are all so different. Some have abject forgiveness for the person or persons. Some have abject hatred. Is one stronger than the other? Or are they just in different places and will eventually cycle to the other side?

And looking back at my own life, it’s much the same. My father pushed me in track and cross country. I hated it, but it’s given me a lifelong way of relaxing, thinking, and keeping fit. Mac never let up, never accepted less than my absolute best. How many times I would have loved to blow off homework just once. But I didn’t for fear of him. Fear probably isn’t the best motivator, but it worked and I have a career that…well that I don’t hate. Even the whole Judge Thayer affair had its good side and its bad side. Yes, I almost cost myself my career because of it, but I also gained a strength I never knew I had, standing there in the back of the courtroom that day, watching him allocate to his crime.

I don’t think a phrase like that has an exact answer. What makes some people stronger kills others. It’s all a matter of circumstances and personalitles.

Claire Kincaid
Law & Order
Words: 268

If...

Sat, 01 Jul 2006 22:40:03 GMT

If…

“If her aim had been any worse…” Jack murmured quietly as her rubbed Claire’s arm as she snuggled into his chest on the couch.

“Shhh,” Claire whispered. “I’m fine. The suit will never be the same, but I’m fine.”

It had been a long day. Claire had been in court just before lunch, handling the arraignment of Nick Capetti in the kidnapping and murder of the little Gaines girl. Her mother, Karen, somehow got a gun into the courtroom and fired several shots, one fatally striking Nick Capetti, another lodging in the wall an inch away from the court reporter’s head. Claire was close enough that her suit had been spattered with Capetti’s blood. She dove under the table and Rey Curtis hurtled the wall separating the lawyers from the observers, covering her to try and protect her. She was fine, but shaken. Though she didn’t want Jack to see how scared she really was.

“You just had a near death experience!” he said after she suggested a lighter charge and sentence for Karen Gaines. Jack couldn’t understand her feelings. He tried, but all he could think of was what he could have lost.

Later, on the couch in Jack’s apartment, all Claire could do was hold him. Hold him and let him hold her. She fought the chill that ran down her spine when he said “If …”

She couldn’t let him know that she was thinking that to. She couldn’t know that the ifs would haunt her dreams for weeks to come.

This time, she had to be the strong one.

Claire Kincaid
Law & Order
Words: 263

My Retreat

Mon, 26 Jun 2006 20:32:33 GMT

What is your favorite retreat from the world?

The answer to this one has varied depending on where I am in life.

When I was younger, it was books. I would lose myself in books for hours. That way I didn’t have to hear my parents arguing. Or later hear the silence of the house after Dad left.

When I got a little older, it was running. That was time alone, just me and my thoughts. Until my father started “coaching” me…then his voice was there too. Now that I’m older and away from him, it’s still a stress reliever for me, but…

My favorite retreat from the world right now is Jack’s arms. Neither of us was looking for a relationship to happen. Well…I know I wasn’t. But it did. And even though he’s older…and a co-worker, well, technically a boss, but he treated me as an equal even before…and we’re in the same profession, we make it work. Work doesn’t come home…to the best degree possible. Whatever issues are going on with cases are left at the door. And we communicate…just us…two people who love each other.

I can’t think of a place where I feel safer or more loved than when he’s holding me.

Muse: Claire Kincaid
Fandom: Law and Order
Word Count: 199

Anger

Mon, 26 Jun 2006 20:25:08 GMT

What makes you angriest?

It takes a lot to make me angry. Really. But lately, I’ve been exceedingly frustrated at work. I’m feeling like we’re the Maginot line of the judicial system. We plea out a drug dealer to get a rapist. All well and good…the rapist should be off the street. But so should the drug dealer. Exceptions shouldn’t be made just so that other convictions can be gotten.

Latest case in point, James Smith. He came up on my docket last year. Harassment charges. Nothing violent. Nothing flashy. I knew Adam’s way. Plead them out. Quick and easy. So I did it. I ignored a call from his sister because I assumed she was calling to ask for leniency and it was a moot point by that time. Little did I know…

A year later he ends up on Jack’s desk (and my workload) yet again. Only this time it’s for murder and assault. Turns out he’s schizophrenic and won’t stay on his medication. That’s what his sister was calling to tell me. That he needed help. But because it wasn’t a big crime with immediate life-threatening consequences, I followed Adam’s rules.

There has to be a better way. There just has to.

Muse: Claire Kincaid
Fandom: Law and Order
Word Count: 201

Chance Encounters

Sat, 20 May 2006 16:05:24 GMT

Describe a chance encounter that changed your life.

As an Assistant District Attorney, my life sometimes seems filled with chance encounters. I might meet someone for a moment in the courtroom and then never see them again thanks to the plea process. Or they may haunt me for years to come. It’s the same with the cops I work with. Usually it’s the same group of detectives, but not all the time. Still…

I remember that day clearly. I hadn’t been working in the DA’s Office for long, but I was just about used to Ben Stone and how he operated. I was on my way back in from afternoon arraignments and he was on the elevator. Jack McCoy. Another Executive Assistant District Attorney. Known for seeking, and often receiving some of the harshest sentences. And for sleeping with his assistants. Still getting over the whole issue with Thayer, I was in no shape to get involved with anyone, and seeing him in the elevator that day made me so glad that I hadn’t been assigned to him.

We never exchanged a word, but somehow I knew I could never resist him if he made any advances…

Claire Kincaid
Law & Order
Words: 189

Mother

Sat, 20 May 2006 15:55:36 GMT

Write about Mother.

My mother. Really, what’s to say? I mean, she isn’t a horrible person. But we just don’t see eye to eye on, well, virtually anything. She tried when I was growing up, but after she and Dad split up, it just got worse. She went to college, sure, but it was for that MRS degree. She never intended to do anything with her studies, and she didn’t know what to do when Dad left. As much as I don’t like him and had issues with him, Mac saved us.

Mom never understood why I liked school. Why I kept asking questions and doing research. Why I refused to take home ec. Why I didn’t really date in college. And most of all why I went to law school.

We don’t really talk now. Mac tried to smooth things over, but it’s just not working. My mother and I are from two completely different worlds, and I don’t think we’ll ever really resolve that.

Claire Kincaid
Law & Order
Words: 163

The One Who Got Away

Sat, 06 May 2006 01:55:19 GMT

Talk about the one that got away.

James Smith. That day his name first crossed my desk on a harassment charge, nothing really stood out. “Plea him out.” I could hear Adam’s voice in my head. Espec ially on something as simple as a harassment charge. So I went about my usual routine, contacting his court appointed lawyer for a meeting. Glanced through the file, then headed off to court with Jack for some bigger case.

I got a message on my voice mail from his sister, asking me to call her back. I assumed she was calling to ask for leniency. Because the plea agreement was so basic, I didn’t bother to call her back.

I should have.

Just over a year later, his file crossed my desk again. This time on its way to Jack’s. A multiple murder and maiming of a woman in a clothing store. All attributed to James Smith. Schizophrenic who refused to take his medicine. And a Harvard-educated lawyer. He did eventually agree to a plea. After we got his sister on the stand. He’s in an institution until his doctors feel he’s capable of and willing to stay on his medication and living in society. He didn’t get away the second time.

He shouldn’t have the first.

I blame no one but myself.

Claire Kincaid
Law & Order
Words: 213

Childhood Ambition

Fri, 05 May 2006 13:35:15 GMT

What was your childhood ambition?

I’m sure I ran through the normal gamut of “I want to be a…” ideas when I was a child. Nothing ever really stood out though. Nothing stuck for more than a week or two. Until I watched the Olympics.

1976, summer Olympics. I was seven. I remember watching the Olympics on television and being captivated. Not by the gymnastics or the swimming or the diving – the things you’d expect a young girl to fall in love with. No. I fell in love with the runners. Not so much the sprinting, but the distance runners. I watched them run and dreamed of one day following in their footsteps.

I started running everywhere. Once I got to junior high, I was able to join the cross country team. A whole team of people who liked running, just like I did. It was heaven on earth.

Until my father decided that running, specifically my running, would be a good way for us to bond. And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy our runs. We had some good conversations during them early on. And then I won a race.

After that, it was all over. I was so happy that I’d won. Sure, the Olympics were in the back of my head, but I was running for the joy of running. Dad, on the other hand, got bit by the winning bug. After that, nothing but a first place was good enough. Not even a personal best. If it wasn’t first, it wasn’t good enough. I ended up quitting the cross country team my sophomore year. I couldn’t take the stress on top of all the other stress I had to deal with. My escape had become another trap. I run now, but it’s on my terms…for myself. Still, there are times I’m running and I wonder what if…

You know, sometimes I think it’s best to keep your dreams to yourself. That way they can’t be killed.

Claire Kincaid
Law & Order
Words: 328

Prompt: Danger

Sun, 02 Apr 2006 00:31:42 GMT

What is the most dangerous thing you’ve ever done?

Well, I’m an assistant district attorney. Not typically thought of as a super dangerous job. Well, unless you’re working on a mob case or something. Then it can get dicey. But generally you’re in a secured office building or in a courtroom where you have to go through metal detectors and stuff. So you’re pretty safe.

Except that one day.

We were arraigning Nick Capetti for the kidnapping and murder of a little girl. He’d just done the standard “not guilty” plea and I was making a case for no bail when shots rang out. I hit the floor. Rey came over and helped me up. I was splattered with Nick Capetti’s blood. Karen Gaines, the girl’s mother, had somehow gotten a gun into the courtroom and shot Capetti. I don’t know how close a bullet came to me. I know there was one that hit the wall less than an inch from the court reporter’s head. It was chaos for a while. And Jack was nearly hysterical by the time I got back to the office. I’d assumed Lennie and Rey would let him know I was ok ~ they’d put the courthouse on lockdown, so he couldn’t get in.

I know that’s probably not what you’re wanting. You’re wanting something really risky. And I guess I could have answered it a couple of other ways, but really, going into court that day, just living my normal life…assuming I was safe. That was the most dangerous thing I’ve done.

Because really, we’re never as safe as we think we are.

Claire Kincaid
Law & Order
Words: 261

Father

Sun, 05 Mar 2006 22:02:32 GMT

Write about your father.

My father. You really like finding buttons to push don’t you? I guess to be fair, I really have to break mine into two. My father and my step-father. Since they more or less split the difference in my formative years.

My father. Brian Kincaid. He was in international business, so he was gone a lot when I was younger. But when he was home, he made his presence known. Oh, he never hit me, don’t get me wrong. But he pushed me to my limits. Especially when I was running track. Nothing but firsts was good enough for him. Not even personal bests. He said they didn’t matter if I wasn’t winning. When he and my mother divorced, it only helped a little. He still made time to push me sometimes beyond my breaking point. Still…he’s my father.

And then there’s my step-father. Mac Gellar. Law professor. I haven’t seen him in the courtroom, but I kind of get the feeling if you looked up the phrase “those who can’t, teach” there would be a picture of him. Dinner conversation was the Socratic method. I can’t say I wouldn’t have gone into law without his presence, but his presence certainly contributed to my going in the direction which I did. An even then I managed to surprise him. He never expected Harvard.

But for better or for worse, they’re both a part of my life. And always will be.

Claire Kincaid
Law & Order
Words: 240

Mockery

Thu, 02 Mar 2006 21:32:11 GMT

Write about a time you mocked somebody.

Wow. That’s different. I honestly can’t really think of anything. Nothing serious. I mean…

Ok, there are times Jack and I have done our share of making fun of defense attorneys and/or defense motions. But only behind closed private doors, and only when it’s so clear that there was no chance in hell of the defense motions working.

And…ok, we’ve done our share of making fun of Adam. But that’s usually more us trying to imagine what his reaction will be when he finally figures out that all those late nights aren’t necessarily work. Oh come on…it’s not like we bill for it. Only if we’re in the office. And even then we’re not defense attorneys. We’re pretty much salary and that’s it. It’s just…yeah, you know he’s gonna erupt. It’s just fun to try and imagine how.

But as far as serious mocking… I really can’t think of any time. Sorry.

Claire Kincaid
Law & Order
Words: 152

Failure

Tue, 07 Feb 2006 16:03:51 GMT

What is your greatest failure?

James Smith. The first time his file crossed my desk. It was a harassment case ~ he was harassing a young woman. Nothing physical happened. His lawyer agreed to plea out…that Smith would be under psychiatric supervision for an fixed time and take his medication. After all, he definitely fell into the “can be helped by medication” group of schizophrenics. It was quick, easy, and out the door. Just like Adam liked it.

His sister called and left a message for me. I didn’t return it. I assumed she was calling to ask for leniency, and we were already well into the plea agreement bargaining. That’s where I failed.

A year later, the stalking escalated into murder. Of more than one person. And another woman was seriously maimed. James Smith was arrested. And it came out about the plea.

I went to see his sister to try and get some information. She asked why I hadn’t called her back. Said that her brother knew how to work the system ~ that he’d take his medication enough to get out, then stop. He claimed it was the side-effects.

We convinced him to a plea…one that would make a difference. He wasn’t going to be out on the streets any time soon. But I still feel like I failed. Because of me, people are dead.

And nothing Jack says will convince me otherwise.

Claire Kincaid
Law & Order
Words: 231

What I Did For Love

Wed, 25 Jan 2006 18:33:38 GMT

What is the greatest sacrifice you’ve made for love?

Looking back over my life, I can’t help but be struck by how lucky I’ve been overall in my life. I’ve never really felt that I had to sacrifice anything for love. Not real love anyway.

True, I sacrificed some potential for jobs and advancement when I had that affair with Judge Thayer…but that wasn’t really love. Not for me anyway. Oh, I don’t mean it was just sex. At the time I certainly thought it was love. But I know differently now.

Jack and I certainly have our differences. With our age difference, there are automatically some cultural differences. Like he knows exactly where he was when Kennedy was shot. I wasn’t even born. But even more than that we do have differences on points of law.

Specifically the death penalty. And now that it’s legal again and our first case just lost his last appeal, the potential for things to get tense is certainly there.

But the thing is, neither of us is making the other change our belief on the subject. We’re not saying “you need to change or this is over.” We disagree and we know it. So we agree that certain things aren’t going to be discussed in our private life. Because we love each other for who we are, not for our beliefs. And so we don’t have to sacrifice anything for the other.

Because love, real love, shouldn’t make you sacrifice anything of yourself. There’s a difference between sacrifice and compromise.

Claire Kincaid
Law & Order
Words: 248

Letter

Sun, 08 Jan 2006 03:05:06 GMT

Write a letter to anyone about anything. Say what you have always wanted to say but have been afraid to.

Dear Mr. Schiff,

I wanted to write this to set your mind at ease from the office gossip I’m sure you have heard recently. You know as well as anyone that Hogan Place is a giant fishbowl. And secrets don’t stay secret long.

Yes. Jack and I are together. But we’re happy, and we are in this as adults. And it is not and will not affect our work or our working relationship.

I know this is something you were concerned about when Jack and I first started working together. Between his reputation and what you know about my involvement with Judge Thayer, I can understand your concern. But I want to reassure you that everything is fine.

Claire read over the letter, then scribbled through the words and crumpled the letter, tossing it in the trash can. She knew she could never actually give Adam a letter like that. Even if he had his suspicions about her and Jack, she could never put it in writing.

She thought for a while about what to do. She hadn’t lied. Hogan Place was a fishbowl. It was only a matter of time…if he didn’t already know. She sighed, deciding to talk with Jack about it over dinner.

Claire Kincaid
Law & Order
Words: 206

From Nick

Thu, 05 Jan 2006 16:00:09 GMT

Hmmm...well, Jack did ask me if I was getting paranoid on him... :)

Your Social Dysfunction:
Paranoid

You show pervasive and unwarranted suspiciousness, and mistrust of others. You are overly sensitive and prone to jealousy.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Please note that we aren't, nor do we claim to be, psychologists. This quiz is for fun and entertainment only. Try not to freak out about your results.

Reflections on the year

Wed, 04 Jan 2006 01:00:09 GMT

New Years Eve Reflections: Over the last year, did things go pretty much as you'd expected or planned, or did your life take a significant, unexpected turn? Overall, was it a good year or one that you want to put behind you as fast as you can?

Hmmm…this past year’s been great.

Oh, sure there’s been the usual stuff with work. Cases we lose that we should have won. Cases we won where if I’m being honest, I have my doubts that we got the right person. Pleas I’m not so sure we should have made. Mistakes I know I’ve made just because I’m human. And then there’s all the crap with Mac and my mother. I highly doubt that’s going away any time soon. Especially now that I’m with Jack.

Jack. He’s what’s made this year worth all the crap. Just to see his eyes twinkle. To feel his arms around me. To discuss substantial stuff and see that ever when we disagree, we still manage to come through it together. Yes, I was really hesitant about getting involved with him. I freely admit it. And he knows it. But from that first kiss…

Yeah. He’s made all the crap look little.

Jack McCoy. I love him.

Claire Kincaid
Law & Order
Words: 161

Happiness

Wed, 14 Dec 2005 08:06:13 GMT

What are you really happy about, right now?

Oh that’s easy. One word.

Jack.

Yeah, yeah. I know. As much as I’ve talked about how my affair with my first boss cost me, that was different. I was Thayer’s clerk, not his assistant. And he was married. And I was young and naïve, much more easily swayed by an older man in a position of authority (yes, go ahead Freudians, have a field day with that one!).

With Jack it’s different. For starters, I knew his reputation for sleeping with his female assistants. It was no secret around the office. And in our very first meeting after Adam assigned me to him (at Jack’s request of course), I made it clear that things were going to be business and that was it.

So…what happened? I fell in love. Fully aware of what I was doing. I chose to go out with Jack for an after work drink and dinner. And yes, while that night started things in motion, it was still a few weeks before anything went beyond kissing. I was in control of the pace and he never pushed me beyond my comfort level. And I could see in his eyes that he felt differently about me. It was about more than sex. Still is. So much more. Sure he may not have taken me to Ireland yet…bit we love each other and that’s what matters.

So what makes me happy right now? Easy. Jack McCoy.

Claire Kincaid
Law & Order
Words: 239

Stuff I Should Have Said

Tue, 06 Dec 2005 20:23:03 GMT

What’shat is the one thing you most regret NOT saying?

It’s pretty much a moot point now since the case is done and my censure is in the past, but it still caused a lot of problems.

I regret not telling Ben about my relationship with Judge Thayer from the very beginning of that case. I didn’t have to tell him in front of Adam, but it would have made things so much better if I’d told him why I was asking him to take me off of the case, especially after he said he didn’t see my clerking for Thayer as that problematic. I knew my having slept with him would be, but I was afraid of what would happen if I told Ben. Not that I think Ben would have fired me, but I don’t know that he would have had the same level of respect for me I’d worked so hard to gain.

I’m not saying what I did with Thayer was acceptable. And I’m not making excuses. I was young, and I was influenced by a master manipulator. Not that he’s solely to blame, but he was certainly a large part of why things started and went on for so long. I was embarrassed.

But I also knew his tactics. The threats he made to try and keep me with him. The control and power he had over me. Had I told Ben what the problem was from the start, I could have been removed from the case and potentially helped the case myself in court as a witness rather than going to talk with his wife ~ let me tell you how much fun that was ~ and enlist her assistance.

I’m not proud of having the affair. But I do regret that I didn’t tell Ben about it earlier.

Claire Kincaid
Law & Order
Words: 295

Letter

Tue, 29 Nov 2005 23:43:47 GMT

Write a letter to yourself as a child.

Twelve year old Claire Kincaid sat curled up in the window seat in her room, tears streaming down her face. Her parents were divorced and her mother was about to get married to this law professor, Mac. Very high-powered. Very type-A. And very much demanding that Claire be the same. She hated him, but she kept her mouth shut because she knew her mother loved him. He had some older children, but they didn’t live at home, and they actually seemed happy about the situation. They had no time for Claire though. She couldn’t remember ever feeling this alone, except maybe the nights she lay awake listening to her parents fight.

The divorce had been hard, but eventually she realized it was for the best. Her parents were happier when they weren’t with each other. She didn’t see her father as much as she’d like, but the way he’d been pushing her with her running lately, she couldn’t honestly say she was upset about that. This marriage though…that was another story.

She looked around the room, and something caught her eye. There was a little envelope on her nightstand that she didn’t remember seeing before. Curious, she uncurled and walked over to the nightstand. She picked up the envelope and turned it over. It was sealed with an embossed K ~ her last initial. But she’d never seen it before, not in that style anyway. Slowly she opened the envelope and looked at the little card curiously…

Dear Claire,
You’re probably not going to believe me, but I’m you as an adult. I know…I know.
I know you feel really alone right now, but trust me. Things will get better. Not necessarily always easier, but better.
I’m not going to try and tell you not to do some of the things you’re going to do, because each of them has taught me a lesson, and we wouldn’t be the same person without them.
I will say this…trust Jack. Talk with him about things. Don’t shut each other out.
Take care sweetheart.
~Claire

Claire looked at the card over and over before shaking her head and throwing it in the trash. Probably some stupid prank her soon-to-be-step-siblings were playing on her. Besides, she was tired of people telling her what to do.

Claire Kincaid
Law & Order
Words: 381

In the mirror

Sat, 29 Oct 2005 01:54:12 GMT

What do you think when you look in the mirror?

I see someone who’s finally becoming her own person and finding her own way in her career…and life.

I mean, when I was growing up, I was Claire, track star. Doing whatever my father told me, working to shave milliseconds off my time. And knowing that no matter what I did, it would never be good enough.

Then Mom married Mac. And nothing but being a lawyer would be good enough for him. And again, nothing I did was good enough in his eyes. I got into Harvard, but I didn’t make a perfect score on the LSAT. I made Law Review, but not president. I graduated with highest honors, but I wasn’t first in my class. I got a clerkship, but not at the US Supreme Court. And then I started working in the DA’s office rather than some firm where I could work my way up to become the youngest and/or first female partner. Again, nothing was ever good enough.

But now I’m feeling a little more confident about the choices I’ve made. Even the mistakes. Jack’s had a lot to do with it. But ultimately I’m the one who has to look at myself in the mirror. And right now I’m liking what…who I see.

Claire Kincaid
Law & Order
Words: 208

Self-Doubt

Sat, 08 Oct 2005 18:01:55 GMT

Talk about a time you overcame serious self-doubt.

I’ve got a couple of options I could go with. But I think I’m going to go with when I had to work on prosecuting James Smith. The second time.

The first time, it was a stalking charge that we let him go on with a plea. It was the smartest thing to do from what I could tell. And it’s what Adam liked. Quick and easy. No need to return his sister’s call since it was probably only to ask for leniency. He held up his end of the agreement. Easy.

Only it wasn’t. Two years later, he killed several people and severely maimed one other woman in a clothing store. He was schizophrenic and would take himself off his medication. That’s what his sister was calling to talk with me about. That he needed to be in an institution, someplace where someone would make him take his medicine; not free to be on his own. But I didn’t call her back because I made an assumption. An assumption that turned out to be fatal.

Yeah. Serious self-doubt. What right did I have to be working on the case much less in the DA’s Office if I was going to make such a stupid mistake?

Jack tried to make me feel better…

”Claire, how many cases did you have at the time?”

After I listed them off by pleas, trials, etc., he smiled that smile that always made me forget the world around me.

Guess what? You can’t leap tall buildings either.”

He tried. But I still beat myself up over that one. If I forget, it’ll happen again.

Claire Kincaid
Law & Order
Words: 270

Catching up on the past three weeks...

Sat, 10 Sep 2005 01:38:07 GMT

What is the best present you have ever given someone?

I don’t know, gifts were never really big in my family. I mean, we did the standard stuff at Christmas and birthdays, but nothing special. Usually just gift cards or money.

So…

Does your heart count as a gift? Because if so, I’d have to say giving my heart to Jack. I hadn’t intended to. I’d done the get involved with your older supervisor thing before. With nearly disastrous results. And I was an up and coming young lawyer. I didn’t have time for a social life. And so I totally was not looking for a relationship. Especially not with him.

But it happened. Working together led to working late together. And that led to dinner. And then one night we just kissed. I don’t think either of us intended for it to happen, but it did. And it just felt right. And little by little I truly fell in love with him. Something I wasn’t sure I believed would happen. But it did…

So giving Jack my heart. Yeah, that’s my answer.

Claire Kincaid
Law & Order
Words: 173

Have you ever experienced something you couldn’t explain? Write down your brushes with the mysterious.

Nope. Not that I’m aware of. Sorry.

Claire Kincaid
Law & Order
Words: 7

Talk about a time you realized that someone close to you was not the person you thought you knew.

Can you talk about yourself for this one? Because that’s been me before. Not the person I thought I knew.

You see, I’d always pushed myself to excel. And if that meant forgoing relationships, so be it. So I didn’t really bother with relationships with my peers. Oh, there were a few here and there, but nothing serous. And I always swore I’d never be someone who’d fall for someone older, someone more powerful, someone I worked for. But then…

I’m still not sure how everything with Judge Thayer got started. It’s one of those things that’s all a blur to me. But it did. And before I really realized what was happening, I was having an affair with him.

I remember the morning after we slept together the first time. I just stood there, looking at myself in the mirror for the longest time. I looked like the same Claire I knew, but I didn’t feel like the same old Claire. I felt like I was looking at a stranger. And did until I got the guts to break things off.

I never want to feel like that ever again. on his earlier charge.

Claire Kincaid
Law & Order
Words: 195